I have been thinking about shutting this thing down for some time now. Along with my Facebook page, my twitter account that I mostly use to read news anyway, and my live-cam. Did you know I have one of those? I totally don’t but I felt like I needed another item in my list and I actually really like Instagram so couldn’t sacrifice it. I have been feeling increasingly like my privacy is compromised, and I don’t even mean in the sense of unknown to me computer spies, planting secret calorie free cookies in everything I do, or any kind of “the man is watching you” stuff. I mean simply that there is is just too much of me online available to “friends” and too much of them online available to me and it’s all a time consuming, misleading exercise of putting it all out there in a way that I just was never comfortable with and somehow forced myself to try and realized it’s probably not for me. The option is of course to keep the social media page open only to real friends in my life that I actually talk to on the phone or see or want to see more, but there is this grey area there between best friends, and great friends, and then neighborhood friends, and running friends, and a whole lot of not really friends but people that you know that may be friends with someone that you consider a better friend and suddenly you are playing a game of who to add or cut and that just seems strange and unnecessary and then the next thing I know I have a “friend” that has a confederate flag as their profile picture, who is against women’s rights and wants to deport even legal immigrants and I sit there wishing we just kept it at the polite hello how are you at the coffee shop or a quick wave as we pass each other on the trail on our runs. And, even at the less extreme, as I am on Facebook more, I feel like not sharing something may mean like it counts less or didn’t happen. There are so many beautiful, simple, happy, funny, silly moments in my life that i don’t share and the ones I do tend to not even be the best of them, so why am I doing it at all? The posts are getting so complicated too. All the hashtags (which I really think are not being used correctly) and sometimes I wonder if we really need a hashtag for words like “fruit” or “toilet”… I have been curiously clicking on people’s hashtag references to see what else comes up and it is a crazy amount of oddly unrelated stuff, and also a crazy waste of time.
But back to this blog and my privacy. It was at one point a closed “journal”. I had to move it and realized later I didn’t keep it private because I just didn’t think about it since I had different privacy settings originally, and then some friends found me and it was nice because family and friends got to choose whether they want to read about my random rambles and it wasn’t in anyones face unless they wanted to look and I still had my outlet and it worked. But with every child there is added pressure and added time constraint and then I started to think I was failing my blog. Obviously blogs don’t have feelings and my self imposed pressure to write something just needed a little reality check: nobody really needs this blog except me. Most people don’t even read it. So, I think I will just keep on doing whatever feels right here when I have time. Right now, I have a date with a croissant, a cappuccino, and my
live-cam work. Should I hashtag that?